Love and all it's divine power can be manifested from within us! We can accept no more love than we are willing to give ourselves. The way we love others, STARTS with the way we love ourselves. Self-love is probably the most important love we can do for ourselves AND others. It is very important that we love ourselves, first. When this truly occurs, the Universe allows all things to fall in to place very nicely! Self examination is the only way to know. 1. To live feeling fully alive is our own choice and responsibility. There are many examples of people living their passions from many different walks of life. These choices re-affirm the love and respect for ourselves. 2. Self-Love is NOT Selfishness. Selfishness is always voluntary, showing regard to our own interests and gratification, which is sought after and indulged at the expense, and sometimes, to the injury, of others. 3. Having the courage and determination to feel good is our personal business. 4. Deciding to feel good, to whatever degree we can manage, is the most important decision that we can make. 5. Spending even a few moments each day doing something that simply delights us, increases our feeling of well-being and makes it easier to do even more of our soul's passion and allows us to find the confidence to love and respect ourselves that much more. 6. The renewal and invigoration received from doing the activities we find absolute passion in, is so vital to the quality and performance in all aspects of the rest of our lives, that without this "fire" for our creative soul's desire, all else positive in our lives begins to diminish and become depressed. 7. When something is so wonderfully important to our overall well-being, it is essential that we pursue it! 8. Self-love can often be found by doing something that brings out the passion in our lives. Doing exactly what it is that makes us happy. When we follow the path that we long to follow, we can always find this love in ourselves. 9. It is this passion, which gives us reason in our lives. It allows us to "see" the reasoning behind why we are here in the first place. 10. Bring your love and light to others by truly loving and respecting yourself, first.
The Triangle Theory of Love The three components of the Triangular Theory of Love are: Passion: The feeling physically aroused and attracted to someone. Passion is what makes you feel "in love" and is the feeling most associated with love. It also rises quickly and strongly influences and biases your judgment. Passionate love involves continuously thinking about the loved one and also involves warm sexual feelings and powerful emotional reactions. Intimacy: The feeling close and connected to someone (developed through sharing and very good communications over time). Intimacy is what makes you want to share and offer emotional and material support to each other. Commitment: Pledging to your self and each other to strengthen the feelings of love and to actively maintain the relationship. Commitment is what makes you want to be serious, have a serious relationship and promise to be there for the other person if things get tough. Compassionate love is having trusting and tender feelings for someone who is close to you. Sternberg also uses his Triangular Theory of Love to answer some of the most commonly asked questions about love: Is there love at first sight? This is when we are overwhelmed by passion, without any intimacy or commitment (both of which take time). Sternberg calls this infatuated love, Because there is not intimacy or commitment, infatuated love is fated to fade away. Why do some people get married after being in love for a very short time? This is a combination of passion and commitment, but without any intimacy. Sternberg calls this Hollywood love. This is where two people make a commitment to each other based on their passion. Unless intimacy develops over time, this relationship most likely will end. Can their be love without sex? Ah yes, compassionate love, where intimacy and commitment are present without any sexual passion. Why doesn't romantic love last? Passion and intimacy without commitment is Romantic love. When the passion fades, and the intimacy wanes, the relationship ends.
Love is friendship that has caught fire. It takes root and grows, one day at a time. Love is the quiet understanding and mature acceptance of imperfection. It is real. It gives you strength and grows beyond you - to bolster your beloved. You are warmed by their presence, even when they are away. Miles do not separate you. You have so many wonderful little films in your head that you keep replaying. But near or far, you know they are yours, and you can wait. Love says, "Be patient. Don't panic. Plan your future with confidence." Love is not based on sex. It is the maturation of friendship, which makes sex so much sweeter. You must be friends before you can be lovers. Love means trust. You are calm, secure and unthreatened. They feel your trust, and it makes them even more trustworthy. Love makes you feel whole. It completes the circle. It fills the empty space in your heart. Love is elevating. It lifts you up. It makes you look up. It makes you think up. It makes you a better person than you were before. If you have love in your life, it can make up for a great many things you don't have. If there is no love in your life, whatever else there is has a lot less meaning. The secret of our being is not only to live, but to have something to live for. Love is the best antidepressant—but many of our ideas about it are wrong. The less love you have, the more depressed you are likely to feel. Love is as critical for your mind and body as oxygen. It's not negotiable. The more connected you are, the healthier you will be both physically and emotionally. The less connected you are, the more you are at risk. It is also true that the less love you have, the more depression you are likely to experience in your life. Love is probably the best antidepressant there is because one of the most common sources of depression is feeling unloved. Most depressed people don't love themselves and they do not feel loved by others. They also are very self-focused, making them less attractive to others and depriving them of opportunities to learn the skills of love. There is a mythology in our culture that love just happens. As a result, the depressed often sit around passively waiting for someone to love them. But love doesn't work that way. To get love and keep love you have to go out and be active and learn a variety of specific skills. Most of us get our ideas of love from popular culture. We come to believe that love is something that sweeps us off our feet. But the pop-culture ideal of love consists of unrealistic images created for entertainment, which is one reason so many of us are set up to be depressed. It's part of our national vulnerability, like eating junk food, constantly stimulated by images of instant gratification. We think it is love when it's simply distraction and infatuation. One consequence is that when we hit real love we become upset and disappointed because there are many things that do not fit the cultural ideal. Some of us get demanding and controlling, wanting someone else to do what we think our ideal of romance should be, without realizing our ideal is misplaced. It is not only possible but necessary to change one's approach to love to ward off depression. Follow these action strategies to get more of what you want out of life—to love and be loved. • Recognize the difference between limerance and love. Limerance is the psychological state of deep infatuation. It feels good but rarely lasts. Limerance is that first stage of mad attraction whereby all the hormones are flowing and things feel so right. Limerance lasts, on average, six months. It can progress to love. Love mostly starts out as limerance, but limerance doesn't always evolve into love. • Know that love is a learned skill, not something that comes from hormones or emotion particularly. Erich Fromm called it "an act of will." If you don't learn the skills of love you virtually guarantee that you will be depressed, not only because you will not be connected enough but because you will have many failure experiences. • Learn good communication skills. They are a means by which you develop trust and intensify connection. The more you can communicate the less depressed you will be because you will feel known and understood. There are always core differences between two people, no matter how good or close you are, and if the relationship is going right those differences surface. The issue then is to identify the differences and negotiate them so that they don't distance you or kill the relationship. You do that by understanding where the other person is coming from, who that person is, and by being able to represent yourself. When the differences are known you must be able to negotiate and compromise on them until you find a common ground that works for both.
